Icing the Cake
Writing Stories in Rhythm and Rhyme
by Dori Chaconas
© Dori Chaconas 2006 - Not to be used without written permission.
I don't know how the rumor about editors not liking rhyme got started. But I've learned that's all it is… a rumor. There probably are a few editors who don't like stories in rhyme, but all you have to do is look in the picture book section of a book store to see there are plenty more who do like it, and they're publishing it.
When I first began writing about 8 years ago, I avoided writing in rhyme because I believed the rumors. I figured, why spend my time writing something the editors won't buy? Then I became involved in a good on-line critique group of seven relatively new writers. After a time, the members of the group began to sell their stories, and many of those stories were written in rhyme. And it wasn't just an occasional rhyming story that sold. Within three years, our group of seven sold a total of thirty-six picture books. Twenty-seven of those were written in rhyme.
STORY RHYTHM RHYME
That's exactly how I'd list them in order of importance. I'd put STORY in the number one spot, RHYTHM as the second most crucial, and then RHYME last, probably because it's the easiest to learn. Instead of calling them rhyming stories, more accurately we might call them stories in rhythm and rhyme.
The STORY is the foundation on which we build, and all the rules you've learned about writing a story in prose apply to writing a story in rhyme.
- It should have compelling action that keeps the reader interested and constantly moves the story forward.
- You'll want to use characters that make your readers experience some type of emotion—characters that are memorable—that children want to revisit again and again.
- Use a strong, individual voice, age appropriate to the story.
- Use creative and playful language with strong, colorful verbs.
- Put in a pleasing phrase of repetition, because children like repeat phrases that become familiar quickly. As they recognize a repeat phrase, they voice it, and are actively participating in the story.
- Create a surprise, or twist in the plot. (Just make sure the story line isn't so thin and underdeveloped that the twist comes across as a one-line joke. In the case of a one-line-joke story, once we know the punch line, there's no point in reading the story again unless there's a lot more to the story that draws the reader back.)
- And finally, write an ending that leaves your reader with a sense of satisfaction.
First - The
word must fit the space—and in a rhyming story, the 'space' is the meter or
rhythm pattern.
Second -
The word must convey the precise meaning you need to tell the story—and
Third
- if it's a key rhyming word, the rhyming words must be a perfect match.
2. Avoid convoluted sentence structure, or the rearrangement of words to accommodate the rhyme. Each line in your story should read as naturally as prose. If you're in doubt, read the line out loud, out of the context of the verse. Does it sound like natural speech? Perhaps you need a word that rhymes with day. Is it natural for a child to ask, "With Johnny may I play?" If you have to twist the natural order of words to suit your rhyme, you end up with a forced effect. The story is being sacrificed for the sake of the rhyme.
I like to bounce my yellow ball,
I bounce it high and low.
And when I catch it in my hand,
My face is all aglow.
5. Avoid clichés in rhyming pieces just as you would avoid them in prose.
Do…study
good rhyming picture books. The
rhythm and rhyme should be polished to near perfection, and every word and every
line should be essential to the
story.
Do… make each word and each line count. There are few 'fillers' in good rhyming books. The 'fillers' are those lines stuck in without adequate thought beyond that the line ends with a rhyming word. In an early draft of One Little Mouse, the stanza was written:
One
little mouse took a look at his house.
He
squeaked out a tiny sound.
"This
nest is too small. Not roomy at all.
There
must be a new one around."
The line eventually was rewritten so the stanza reads:
One
little mouse took a look at his house
Deep
in the woodland ground.
"This
nest is too small. Not roomy at all.
There
must be a new one around."
So we have to consider that the ending word might be the right match as far as the rhyme goes, but if the content of the line is weak, or doesn't move the story forward, it's like sewing a red flannel patch on a red silk dress. They're both red, but a weak patch doesn't quite do the best job.
There are those writers who have studied the complex metric structure of verse, and I hold the highest admiration for them. Then there are writers like me who look for simpler methods and easier ways to write verse that holds to a consistent and flowing rhythm. I can only write about what I know and will give you my easy method.
Think of the rhythm of a rhyming story as the beat, and it's with this beat that you establish your rhythm pattern. With your story plot in mind, look for a rhythm that will suit that particular story. Do you need the soothing movement of a lullaby? Or the jangling cadence of a sleigh ride? Try out different rhythm patterns. Read poetry or rhyming picture books and note the rhythm patterns. Train your ear to hear different rhythm patterns. Listen for light stresses and heavy stresses—both in individual words and in whole lines. Once the pattern is established, usually with your first verse, use that pattern as a template for the rest of your verses, and stay true to that pattern.
iamb
(i' am) A light stress followed by a heavy stress
The stars
were shining, oh so bright,
Like glowing diamonds clear and white.
(That
Blessed Christmas Night)
trochee
(tro' ke) A
heavy stress followed by a light stress
Daddy, take
the baby out.
Take your bonnie baby out.
dactyl
(dak' til) Heavy stress followed by
two light stresses
One little
mouse took a look at his house
anapest
(an' a pest) Two light stresses followed by a heavy stress
T'was the
night before Christmas when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
Clement C. Moore
Rhyme Scheme |
HEAVY |
light |
HEAVY |
|
HEAVY |
light |
HEAVY |
|
Number
of heavy stressed syllables |
Child: |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A |
MOM- |
ma |
WILL |
you |
FEED |
the |
HEN? |
* |
4 |
B |
YES |
or |
NO |
or |
MAY- |
be? |
*
|
* |
3 |
A |
SCAT- |
ter |
CORN |
a- |
ROUND |
the |
PEN |
* |
4 |
B |
YOU |
and |
ME |
and |
BA- |
by. |
* |
* |
3 |
Momma: |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
C |
YES, |
we'll |
FEED |
the |
SPECKL- |
ed |
HEN |
* |
4 |
D |
SCRATCH- |
ing |
IN |
the |
DEW. |
* |
* |
* |
3 |
E |
THEN |
she'll |
LAY |
two |
SPECKL- |
ed |
EGGS, |
* |
4 |
D |
ONE |
for |
EACH |
of
|
YOU. |
* |
* |
* |
3 |
Child: |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
A |
MOM- |
ma |
WILL |
you |
RIDE |
the |
FOAL? |
* |
4 |
B |
YES |
or |
NO |
or |
MAY- |
be? |
* |
* |
3 |
A |
COAT |
as |
BLACK |
as |
DUST- |
y |
COAL |
* |
4 |
B |
RIDE |
with |
ME |
and |
BA- |
by |
* |
* |
3 |
Momma: |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
C |
NO, |
we |
WILL |
not |
RIDE |
the |
FOAL |
for |
4 |
|
FOALS |
are |
BAB- |
ies, |
TOO. |
* |
* |
I'll |
3 |
E |
FIND |
a |
STRONG |
and |
DAP- |
pled |
HORSE |
to |
4 |
D |
RIDE |
with |
BOTH |
of |
YOU. |
* |
* |
* |
3 |
Momma, Will You?
Illustrated by Steve Johnson & Lou Fancher, Viking 2004 © Dori Chaconas
Not to be copied or used without permission of the author.
Here's how the first stanza reads when I accentuate the heavy stresses, soften the light stresses, click for the pauses, and put the whole thing into that 4/4 beat.
1 | + | 2 | + | 3 | + | 4 | + |
MOM- | ma | WILL | you | FEED | the | HEN | (click) |
YES | or | NO | or | MAY- | be | (click) | (click) |
SCAT- | ter | CORN | a- | ROUND | the | PEN | (click) |
YOU | and | ME | and | BA- | by | (click) | (click) |
(I'll address the reason for counting in the
pauses in just a minute. But for now
I mainly want to point out that I've seen my pattern emerge.)
Lines 2 and 4 each have a total of 3 heavily
stressed beats.
All four lines begin with a heavy stress on
the first syllable. (Trochee)
This stanza becomes the established
pattern of the piece—the template I'll use to refer
back to with each new stanza – or in the case of this book, each stanza
written in the child's voice, as there are two alternating voices in the piece
– child and Momma.
Because this story is written in the two voices—child and mother—the rhythm pattern differs ever so slightly between the two in these first verses, and this difference shows up in a form established by the grid. Here's the Momma verse in 4/4 time: (You'll find that after you've worked with a printed grid for awhile, you can dispense with the actual grid and still write out your lines in a grid-like pattern.)
Momma: |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
C |
YES, |
we'll |
FEED |
the |
SPECKL- |
ed |
HEN |
* |
|
4 |
D |
SCRATCH- |
ing |
IN |
the |
DEW. |
* |
* |
* |
|
3 |
E |
THEN |
she'll |
LAY |
two |
SPECKL- |
ed |
EGGS, |
* |
|
4 |
D |
ONE |
for |
EACH |
of
|
YOU. |
* |
* |
* |
|
3 |
You plan and test out your rhythm pattern
using the sing-song voice, but in the end, the verses will be read in a natural
speaking voice, and at this point, after all the planning, the lines should read
smoothly.
So in the 4th stanza, although
we're putting syllables into places where previously there were pauses, we stay
with our original 4/4 rhythm pattern.
Momma: |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
C |
NO, |
we |
WILL |
not |
RIDE |
the |
FOAL |
for |
|
4 |
D |
FOALS |
are |
BAB- |
ies, |
TOO. |
* |
* |
I'll |
|
3 |
E |
FIND |
a |
STRONG |
and |
DAP- |
pled |
HORSE |
to |
|
4 |
D |
RIDE |
with |
BOTH |
of |
YOU. |
* |
* |
* |
|
3 |
He called
to his good friend, the yak,
8/3
"Come
out of the rain!
5/2
Come
play on my porch.
5/2
We're
fix-ing a won-der-ful snack.
8/3
Pan-da played on the ver-an-da
8/3
He called
to his friend, e-le-phant
8/3
But now the stress falls unnaturally on the elephant's rear end, (e-le-phant) instead of on his head (el-e-phant) where it belongs. In this case, the placement of the stress throws off the natural pronunciation of the word and destroys the harmony of the verse. So Panda is going to have to play with the Yak, whether he wants to or not.
STORY – RHYTHM - RHYME
© Dori Chaconas 2006 - Not to be used without written permission.
Stories in Rhythm and Rhyme
When Cows Come Home for Christmas