Icing the Cake

  Writing Stories in Rhythm and Rhyme

by Dori Chaconas

© Dori Chaconas 2006 - Not to be used without written permission.

I don't know how the rumor about editors not liking rhyme got started.  But I've learned that's all it is… a rumor.  There probably are a few editors who don't like stories in rhyme, but all you have to do is look in the picture book section of a book store to see there are plenty more who do like it, and they're publishing it. 

When I first began writing about 8 years ago, I avoided writing in rhyme because I believed the rumors.  I figured, why spend my time writing something the editors won't buy?  Then I became involved in a good on-line critique group of seven relatively new writers.  After a time, the members of the group began to sell their stories, and many of those stories were written in rhyme.  And it wasn't just an occasional rhyming story that sold.  Within three years, our group of seven sold a total of thirty-six picture books.  Twenty-seven of those were written in rhyme.

A child's book world without rhyme would be like a world without music.  Good rhyme is fun to read out loud.  Good rhyme is enjoyable to listen to.  But a good rhyming story can be difficult to write.  And that's what this article is about—the layers that go into writing good rhyming stories—and they are

        STORY          RHYTHM         RHYME    

That's exactly how I'd list them in order of importance.  I'd put STORY in the number one spot, RHYTHM as the second most crucial, and then RHYME last, probably because it's the easiest to learn.  Instead of calling them rhyming stories, more accurately we might call them stories in rhythm and rhyme. 

   The STORY is the foundation on which we build, and all the rules you've learned about writing a story in prose apply to writing a story in rhyme.

-    The story should have an opening that 'hooks' the reader into the story.

-    It should have compelling action that keeps the reader interested and constantly moves the story forward.

-    You'll want to use characters that make your readers experience some type of emotion—characters that are memorable—that children want to revisit again and again.

-   Use a strong, individual voice, age appropriate to the story.

-   Use creative and playful language with strong, colorful verbs.

-   Put in a pleasing phrase of repetition, because children like repeat phrases that become familiar quickly.  As they recognize a repeat phrase, they voice it, and are actively participating in the story.

-  Create a surprise, or twist in the plot.   (Just make sure the story line isn't so thin and underdeveloped that the twist comes across as a one-line joke.  In the case of a one-line-joke story, once we know the punch line, there's no point in reading the story again unless there's a lot more to the story that draws the reader back.)

-  And finally, write an ending that leaves your reader with a sense of satisfaction.

Imagine you have the perfect story line, with all those components, planned out in your head.   The challenge now is to write it in 500 words or less and write it in perfect rhythm and rhyme. 

Think of a cake, beautifully decorated with icing.  The cake is the story, and the icing is the rhythm and rhyme.  If the cake is made of Styrofoam, all that gorgeous icing that decorates it isn't going to make the cake palatable.  But if the cake itself is made with a good balance of quality ingredients, then the icing serves to enhance the whole.

Always, the rhyme should serve the story.  The story should never be sacrificed to accommodate the rhyme.

    In reviewing the rules of RHYME you might compare writing a rhyming story to working a crossword puzzle.  Your word choice must serve more than one purpose. 

First - The word must fit the space—and in a rhyming story, the 'space' is the meter or rhythm pattern. 

Second -   The word must convey the precise meaning you need to tell the story—and

Third - if it's a key rhyming word, the rhyming words must be a perfect match.

In considering how to write good rhyming stories, we need to consider some things to avoid. 

2. Avoid convoluted sentence structure, or the rearrangement of words to accommodate the rhyme.  Each line in your story should read as naturally as prose.  If you're in doubt, read the line out loud, out of the context of the verse.  Does it sound like natural speech?  Perhaps you need a word that rhymes with day.  Is it natural for a child to ask, "With Johnny may I play?"  If you have to twist the natural order of words to suit your rhyme, you end up with a forced effect.   The story is being sacrificed for the sake of the rhyme.

3. Avoid using words or phrases that are not true to the voice in your story.  As an example:

I like to bounce my yellow ball,
I bounce it high and low.
And when I catch it in my hand,
My face is all aglow.

That word 'aglow' destroys the credibility of the voice.  Up until then, the stanza read in the believable voice of a child, but I've never heard a child use the word "aglow."  Rhyming works should read as naturally as prose.

4. Avoid the use of near rhyme.  Black and fact don't rhyme.  Nor do down and round.  I can't say that 'near rhyme' never works, but try to avoid using it.  If one small incident of near rhyme grates on the ear of a reader, and that reader could be an editor, the enjoyment of the whole piece can be diminished for that reader, and unfortunately, could mean a rejection.

5. Avoid clichés in rhyming pieces just as you would avoid them in prose.

                He captured the skink
                As quick as a wink.
                So what do you think?
                He put up a stink.

Do…study good rhyming picture books.  The rhythm and rhyme should be polished to near perfection, and every word and every line should be essential to the story. 

Do… make each word and each line count.  There are few 'fillers' in good rhyming books.  The 'fillers' are those lines stuck in without adequate thought beyond that the line ends with a rhyming word. In an early draft of One Little Mouse, the stanza was written:

One little mouse took a look at his house.

He squeaked out a tiny sound.

"This nest is too small.  Not roomy at all.

There must be a new one around."

That second line: He squeaked out a tiny sound – works as far as rhythm and rhyme go, but does it add anything new to the story?  In lines 3 & 4, Mouse actually states his problem, so do we need that whole second line as a set-up to let us know Mouse is going to say something?  It's a weak line – a filler line. 

The line eventually was rewritten so the stanza reads:

One little mouse took a look at his house

Deep in the woodland ground.

"This nest is too small.  Not roomy at all.

There must be a new one around."

The new line - Deep in the woodland ground - now adds more to the story in that it gives us the story setting.  Before this line was added, the mouse's house could have been anywhere at all – country or city.

So we have to consider that the ending word might be the right match as far as the rhyme goes, but if the content of the line is weak, or doesn't move the story forward, it's like sewing a red flannel patch on a red silk dress.  They're both red, but a weak patch doesn't quite do the best job. 

Reading well-written rhyme should be an effortless pleasure.  The words should flow easily, whether the story is read by a mom in New York, a grandparent in Florida, or a librarian in California. Writing that kind of rhyme can have you knocking your head against a wall.   Sometimes you have to throw out a whole verse and begin again because the words won't fall into place.   Rather than sit and watch the cursor tick, carry the line or the verse around in your head.  Go about your daily business and think about it.  Find a mindless task, such as ironing, or walking, and while your body is working, let your mind work on your story. It may take time, but persistence and patience will pay off in the end.

   Now, on to RHYTHM ~

There are those writers who have studied the complex metric structure of verse, and I hold the highest admiration for them.  Then there are writers like me who look for simpler methods and easier ways to write verse that holds to a consistent and flowing rhythm. I can only write about what I know and will give you my easy method.

Think of the rhythm of a rhyming story as the beat, and it's with this beat that you establish your rhythm pattern.  With your story plot in mind, look for a rhythm that will suit that particular story.  Do you need the soothing movement of a lullaby?  Or the jangling cadence of a sleigh ride?  Try out different rhythm patterns.  Read poetry or rhyming picture books and note the rhythm patterns.  Train your ear to hear different rhythm patterns.  Listen for light stresses and heavy stresses—both in individual words and in whole lines. Once the pattern is established, usually with your first verse, use that pattern as a template for the rest of your verses, and stay true to that pattern.

Four common rhythm patterns are:

iamb  (i' am)  A light stress followed by a heavy stress

            The stars were shining, oh so bright,                

            Like glowing diamonds clear and white.

                                    (That Blessed Christmas Night)

trochee (tro' ke)  A heavy stress followed by a light stress

            Daddy, take the baby out.

            Take your bonnie baby out.

                                                (On a Wintry Morning)

dactyl (dak' til)  Heavy stress followed by two light stresses

            One little mouse took a look at his house

                                                (One Little Mouse)

anapest (an' a pest) Two light stresses followed by a heavy stress

            T'was the night before Christmas when all through the house

            Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

                                                Clement C. Moore

If a consistent rhythm pattern isn't something that comes naturally to you, try working with a simple grid. You can print out a table on your computer, with as many columns across as you have total syllables in your stanza, plus one more column.  As an example, T'was the Night Before Christmas would have 13 columns across, or one for each syllable in the line, plus one.  You'll use this table or grid to pencil in the syllables of your stanza.

Imagine you have the first stanza of your story.  Read the lines in an exaggerated sing-song way, accentuating the natural heavy stresses.  Then break the line down into syllables, and write out the individual syllables into the individual units of the grid, writing your heavy-stress syllables in CAPS, and the light-stress syllables in lower case. (A sample grid is shown below.) All heavy-stress syllables should fall in the same columns, as well as all light-stress syllables should fall in the same columns. Then, when you see the pattern, fill in your column headings, indicating whether the syllables in that column are heavily stressed or lightly stressed.  You might have a pattern of HEAVY-LIGHT-HEAVY-LIGHT, or you might have a pattern of LIGHT-HEAVY-HEAVY, LIGHT-HEAVY-HEAVY. 

In the last column, write the total number of the heavily stressed syllables in that line of text. 

I used Momma, Will You? as an example. I've written out the syllables in a grid.  I've indicated heavy and light stresses at the top of each column.  Then at the end of the line, I totaled the heavily stressed syllables.  The grid helps to visualize the established pattern.  

Momma, Will You? Illustrated by Steve Johnson & Lou Fancher, Viking 2004 © Dori Chaconas  Not to be copied or used without permission of the author.

Notice the asterisks in the column marked Pause.  To understand what I mean by pauses, think of it this way:  when you read any rhyming work, there are places that offer natural pauses.  Imagine if I were to set these words to music.  I'd use a 4/4 beat, like this: one, two, three, four… one, two, three, four… and in this case I'm going to add half beats: one-and-two-and-three-and-four-and…

Here's how the first stanza reads when I accentuate the heavy stresses, soften the light stresses, click for the pauses, and put the whole thing into that 4/4 beat.

(I'll address the reason for counting in the pauses in just a minute.  But for now I mainly want to point out that I've seen my pattern emerge.)

Lines 1 and 3 each have a total of 4 heavily stressed beats. 

Lines 2 and 4 each have a total of 3 heavily stressed beats. 

All four lines begin with a heavy stress on the first syllable. (Trochee)

This stanza becomes the established pattern of the piece—the template I'll use to refer back to with each new stanza – or in the case of this book, each stanza written in the child's voice, as there are two alternating voices in the piece – child and Momma.

When I compare the pattern of heavy and light stressed syllables in this third verse, to the first verse, I have a perfect rhythm match.  That's when I know I'm being consistent.

Because this story is written in the two voices—child and mother—the rhythm pattern differs ever so slightly between the two in these first verses, and this difference shows up in a form established by the grid.  Here's the Momma verse in 4/4 time: (You'll find that after you've worked with a printed grid for awhile, you can dispense with the actual grid and still write out your lines in a grid-like pattern.)

These verses differ from the child's verses in that there are fewer total syllables in lines 2 and 4, and yet the number of heavily stressed beats remains the same… 4-3-4-3  It's not a huge difference, but sometimes just a small variation can set two voices apart.  

You plan and test out your rhythm pattern using the sing-song voice, but in the end, the verses will be read in a natural speaking voice, and at this point, after all the planning, the lines should read smoothly. 

Read your work out loud often.  Words often 'feel' different when spoken than when they are viewed on a printed page.  Picture books are a performing art.  The child is your audience, and you, the author, are the performer.  The reader is someone who is standing in for you.

Now… about pauses…

When you compare the rhythm pattern in stanza 4, to that in stanza 2 (both in Momma's voice), you can see I've added syllables in place of some of the pauses.  Again, think in terms of putting these words to a consistent 4/4 beat. Whenever you have a natural pause in a verse, you can substitute a syllable in place of the pause without messing up your established rhythm pattern. If you're counting in strict 4/4 time, the individual beats are always consistently there.  It's your decision to fill that beat with either a syllable or a pause.

So in the 4^th stanza, although we're putting syllables into places where previously there were pauses, we stay with our original 4/4 rhythm pattern.

Keep in mind that the stressed syllables in each word must stay true to a natural pronunciation of the word.  Consider this little verse:  (Where the MOMMA text is counted out in 4/4 time, this one would be counted out in ¾ time, as in a waltz. (Dactyl)

Pan-da played on the ver-an-da                                8/3

He called to his good friend, the yak,                         8/3

"Come out of the rain!                                               5/2

Come play on my porch.                                            5/2

We're fix-ing a won-der-ful snack.                             8/3

If I had wanted to use an elephant in that verse, instead of a yak, I could count the same number of stressed syllables by rearranging a few of the words.

Pan-da played on the ver-an-da                                8/3

He called to his friend, e-le-phant                             8/3

But now the stress falls unnaturally on the elephant's rear end, (e-le-phant) instead of on his head (el-e-phant) where it belongs.  In this case, the placement of the stress throws off the natural pronunciation of the word and destroys the harmony of the verse.  So Panda is going to have to play with the Yak, whether he wants to or not.

  STORY – RHYTHM - RHYME

All of this for a simple 500-word rhyming story?  Yes.  And if you study successful rhyming picture books, you'll find most of the elements there, regardless of length or appearance of simplicity.

Think of that cake.  Select ingredients that are fresh and tasty.  Bake it to perfection.  Ice and decorate it with tempting flourishes.  Then send it to an editor.  She won't be able to resist!

© Dori Chaconas 2006 - Not to be used without written permission.

Stories in Rhythm and Rhyme

On a Wintry Morning

One Little Mouse

Momma, Will You?

That Blessed Christmas Night

When Cows Come Home for Christmas

Virginnie's Hat

Hurry Down to Derry Fair

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